Thursday, December 31, 2009

Just Had To Share This!

I do not have pets but do enjoy them. A friend sent this to me awhile back.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly...
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less
(2) don't ask for money all the time
(3) are easier to train
(4) normally come when called
(5) never ask to drive the car
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people
(7) don't smoke or drink
(8) don't want to wear your clothes
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

44 comments:

A Quilter Awakens said...

Oh, oh, oh so true. Thanks for the smile this morning. Karmen

Barb said...

That is toooo funny!!

Wilma said...

I just love this. I am animal lover (4 dogs, 2 cats, 11 horses)and 1 horse we have baby bottle fed since mar of 2009 spoiled rotten she is.lol But this really came home to me cause i have a cat that thinks anytime a door is closed she needs to be in there. Hope you had a wonderful day and b-day and my anniversary of 28 yrs was also yesterday the 30th. So congradulations. have a great day

Lori said...

LOL! I love it!

Pat said...

This is such a fun thing to read!!! Happy 2010 to you and your loved ones (the people AND the animals you don't own but love anyway!!!)

yellowfarmhouse said...

Oh dang girl this is a hoot - I LOVE it and it's sooooo true. I don't think it's a secret how Mr. Farmhouse and I feel about Cami, lol

Happy New Year - karen

Quilt Rat said...

Too Funny! Love #11

Cara said...

oh so nice. That one is perfect!

Danielle said...

LOL! I love it! Happy New Year, and thanks for the laugh!

Kaaren said...

Boy can I relate!

Thanks for making my day, Mary. Doesn't take much, huh?

Happy New Year!

Dorothy V said...

A great giggle! I have 3 cats and a dog - its all soooo true.

Joyful Quilter said...

(sigh) I don't think I've been to the bathroom by myself in 10 years. I keep telling everyone, having pets is like having perpetual two years old...yes, my house is baby proofed.

Rebecca P said...

That was so funny, & true. We call our bathroom the petting chair. Evey time one of us to in, the kitties want to be petted.

Rae Ann said...

What a fun read! LOL! Thanks for sharing it.
Have a wonderful year ahead in 2010.

Micki said...

That was a great post! Happy New Year!
Micki

Diane said...

OMGosh! LOL doesn't cover it. So true.

Tam said...

Love it!
Happy New year :)

sewprimitive karen said...

How funny, I've never read this one before and laughed all through it.

Cindy said...

That's it - I'm posting #1 - #4 on my front door. Will that FINALLY keep away the UNWANTED neighbor that I have?

Love it, Mary, especially the "Fur-niture".

Jacque said...

Oh, That was great! My whole family enjoyed that even the kids! Have a Happy New Year!!

Winona said...

Ohhh! I love it! This is all so true. Thanks for sharing it with us. Have a Happy New Year! Winona

Anonymous said...

Oh I love this. Very true. Hubby especially likes selling the children. Jill

Carrie P. said...

So true and very funny.
Happy New Year! Hoping for nothing but very good things for you this year.

Magnolia Bay Quilts said...

That's so cute! One of my cats likes to stand outside the shower and cry until I step out. I guess she thinks I'm drowning? I'd love to know what that's all about!

Happy New Year, my friend! Hope it's a really good one for you!

Allyson said...

Love it!

quiltmom said...

This is too funny- Pets are great- Ours keep us amused regularly- Our cat has taken to drinking out of a container that is meant for floating candles. It is a centerpiece with rocks and she seems to prefer it to all her other water dishes. Mars is also able to flush the toilet and knock things off the dresser when she thinks my beloved is ignoring her at treat time.
Our dog is equally entertaining - she thinks she is the boss-
So does the cat .. Our son is fun too- but does indeed need to use the car regularly and still needs some occasional financial help at age 22.
I wouldn't trade any of them - except some days I would trade them all LOL Seriously they are all the best and do make our lives richer.
Thanks for the laugh.
Happy New Year to you and yours.
Warmest regards,
Anna

Kim D. said...

I've seen this before and think it's so cute. Thanks for the reminder.

katie said...

You hit the nail on the head.
So perfectly said.
Loved it.

WoolenSails said...

That is so funny and so true;)

Debbie

Janet said...

Thanks for the laugh. I used to have dogs so I can relate.

QuiltSue said...

I love that, it's brilliant.

Happy New Year

LYNNE DEMETER said...

We all agree...Muffin, Jelly Bean, Dusty and Horatio. We're 4 cats that drive Mommy crazy by always laying on any new piece of fabric or new quilt in progress!

Dotty Jane said...

So funny! And true!

Happy New Year!

Tamera said...

Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! It made me laugh out loud...which we should ALL do at least once a day! :-)

Cathi said...

So funny -- cracked me up when I was reading it!!

andsewon said...

Yes Ma'am...this is so true!! Loved the chuckles!
We love our fur babes here an they keep us entertained!!
Happy New Year to you !!!
Hugs,
Lola

Suzanne said...

Wishing you a wonderful New Year!

AnnieO said...

That was a funny and clever story, thanks so much for sharing! We have two cats and a dog and they do need constant supervision (and think they need to supervise me constantly as well!) Happy 2010 and thanks for becoming a follower on my blog!

Taryn said...

That was hilarious. I've been without a pet for over five years but fondly remember my golden retriever stretching herself out on the bed lengthwise and pushing me with her feet as though she was trying to push me off.

Behind My Picket Fence said...

I nearly spit out my coffee reading this post. Too, too funny. We have cats & a dog and I can certainly relate to the story.

Shakerwood Primitives said...

I read this to Dear Hubby, he just loved it. It's so true!

Millie said...

Mary, I can relate...it is so true.
Happy New Year and wishing you a good and healthy new 2010!
Hugs,
Millie

Stitched With Prayer said...

Mary, I love this! I have a copy stuck on the glass door of my downstairs bookcase. One big problem I'm still having, is convincing my dogs that I HAVE to exit the bathroom through the same door I entered. You know...it's very hard to concentrate on a task when you have two dogs scratching at the bathroom door, or a cats paw sticking through under the bottom trying to find a way in!!! Thanks for sharing this though, I have been sewing upstairs (in the middle of the living room) for about 4 months now and I had almost forgotten how much fun this letter is.

I Purr-Furr to Craft said...

this is just so good!! Can i please put it on my blog?